Anticipatory Grief - The Long Goodbye to Dementia

The mind's inability of processing grief and loss while a loved one is suffering from dementia is one of the most difficult aspects of caring for them.

The mind's inability of processing grief and loss while a loved one is suffering from dementia is one of the most difficult aspects of caring for them. This phenomenon is often called "The long goodbye". While there's no closure, the person you used to know may not be fully present or remember you anymore. People who have lost a loved one are similarly affected by this feeling. It can feel impossible to live a normal, healthy life after experiencing grief.

Pauline Boss is the principal theorist behind the concept of ambiguous losses. She encourages clients to build resilience when they are confronted with the trauma of loss that has not been resolved. Boss describes a practical therapeutic approach that is both direct and flexible to the many contexts in which people can find meaning and find hope in the face ambiguous loss.

Families don't know how to deal with the grief caused by these types of losses. These families are often told that they need to "move on" which only adds shame to their grief. Pauline understood that therapy does not have to be done one-on-one with a trained therapist. Pauline discovered that therapy does not have to be done with a trained therapist alone. We are stronger together, as with many aspects of dementia care. Using support resources and community can help us keep moving forward.

It is urgent that we change the culture of care. We need to shift from a model in which caregivers are more task-oriented to one where caregivers are relationship-based. And to put the focus on the needs and families of people with dementia through a person-centered approach. Person-centered care is a holistic and humanistic approach to caring for someone. It considers not only the physical needs of the individual but also their psychosocial and spiritual well being. Also Click Here to know the best knowledge on dementia care.

One of our clients loved baking. Her family loved baking cookies and she found great joy and fulfillment in it. However, her dementia progressed and she became unable to mix the ingredients. One of our Memory Care professionals decided to take the client to the grocery store to purchase supplies. The Memory Care Professional then helped the client through the process by laying out all the ingredients and explaining each step. The client enjoyed baking again. The woman felt empowered after a day of baking success. She told her MCP, "I made cookies yesterday," the next day. Although she didn't recall her MCP's assistance with the cookies, she did remember the satisfaction that came from completing a loved task.

You can find more examples and insights in "Person Centered Matters". This 16-minute video was produced by the Dementia Action Alliance. It was filmed by an ex-National Geographic filmmaker. This video shows five people with dementia and the benefits of person-centered care.

People with dementia benefit from person-centered, activity-based care. This helps to reduce boredom and depression. They feel pride and purpose when they are involved in activities and programs that they find fulfilling. A person who feels fulfilled and accomplished is more likely to succeed.


Brent Kelch

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